Pregnancy week 35 + 3 days

Dear Son,
Wow, a lot has happened since I last wrote. Things have taken a turn unfortunately not for the best, but will unite us sooner rather than later. I went into the doctor's office the day after Thanksgiving, because I was dizzy and my face felt super hot. There they monitored me for 3 hours and then let me go. After several blood and urine tests, they discovered I had pre-eclampisa. Which is pregnancy-induced hypertension, which can be very dangerous for both you and I. The next day I collected my urine for 24 hours and then sent it to the lab to be analyzed. They weren't happy with the results. My kidneys were releasing too much protein, which was really dangerous for me. So the next day (Sunday) I met with a really nice nurse who lent me a blood pressure monitor and sticks I have to test my urine with, daily. I thought things were pretty much under control until Monday morning, my blood pressure sky-rocketed, yet again. This time I went to the hospital prepared with my computer, my phone, and an overnight bag. Good thing, because they kept me there for the next day and a half. That Monday was my last day on my Cisco team. I noticed that every time I got really stressed out you did too. This broke my heart and made me want to throw my computer out the window. Sometimes when it comes to work, I just feel so obligated to be present and in the moment that I have a really hard time saying "no."
The whole next day and a half you and I spent in a hospital room being looked after. I can't say the whole experience was that bad. But the reality of it all really sank in when we got home. You and I were/have been teetering between severe and mild pre-eclampsia. They let us leave with some very strict rules. Now, I check my blook pressure three times a day, I'm very very cautious with how you and I are feeling and I test my pee daily. I am also going to the doctor's office twice a week to do what they call a "non stress test" which really just monitors how your precious little heart is taking all this. So far, you're doing great. I love listening to your strong little heart, it sounds like a chugging little train. You're working hard in there son, and I'm so proud of you. On Monday night, while I was still staying in the hospital Daddy and I go to see you on ultrasound. Wow, you've gotten really big! Already 6lbs! You measured in the 73rd percentile for you gestational age of 36 weeks, when I am still just 35 weeks. So if I'm not mistaken this will put you at about 38 weeks when you're born!

They plan to induce our labor on 12/15/10. I don't know if you will be born on the day, but that is the day we're going to try. I think at this point it's best for you to come out of me and show your gorgeous self to this world. It makes me really sad, and sometimes it makes me want to cry because I so desperately wanted to keep you inside of me for as long as possible. I sometimes think its all my fault, but know that there really isn't enough research to back that up. I could've been healthier before you were conceived, but I am not sure if that would've helped 100%. Son I'm so sorry if I've failed you in any way. But I have full confidence that you will be born a healthy, happy baby. I really want us to focus on you coming out naturally. You're kicking me as I write this. I think you know what I am asking of you. Your head is down and almost in position, and you're still really active. But once they start that pitocin drip, lets try to make it work as fast as possible okay? I really want you to come into this world the way God intended. Unless of course you feel that you need to come sooner than 12/15, which I am totally okay with too. Just rest, and take all the time you need. I will not let anyone hurt you and will always be your protector. I just want what is best for both of us, and I really really want it to be the beautiful experience I'd hoped for for us.

I love you baby.

Your Mommy