Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Monday, October 18, 2010

Pregnancy week 28 + 1 day

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Dear Son,
I love writing these letters to you, for you, about you. You are on my mind every waking minute. When you're quiet and sleeping (I'm assuming?) I still think about you. In fact I've had a very stressful day today but thankfully you're doing well. My body seems to be getting heavier and more tired and contracting more often these days. I spent the better part of four hours today at the hospital being monitored where I got to hear your sweet little heart beat while fighting off my fears of delivering you too soon. Daddy came, when I told him not to worry, but it was such a relief to see his face, although it was lined with worry and concern for us, nothing could've put me more at ease than his presence right then and there. I don't know why today tears just came rolling down all day. I'm getting really anxious for your arrival, and my fears are getting bigger than me. I know it's silly, and they probably have very little merit, but its my first time of being a mommy. Being YOUR mommy. I want it to go smoothly and do it well.
So tonight, I went to my prenatal yoga class, where I've had the lovely opportunity to meet other pregnant mommies, that are due with babies close to the time of your birth! Some a few months sooner and others a few months later. Tonight we discussed what we've been doing to nurture ourselves, our minds, bodies, and souls. And after some reflection, I realized that all the things I used to do to nurture myself have been eclipsed by you. Its true what they say that "motherhood changes a woman." it really does. I just didn't expect it to change me in this way, and this quickly. I expected surely my life would change when you were born, but it's changing now, and at the speed of light. What nurtures my body these days are my daily morning walks - when my body permits, with you, just as the sun is rising. It's the most gorgeous time of the day son. When you are born, I will show you how magnificent the sunrise is. What's nurtured my mind, has been getting my finances in order, I find a strange comfort in organization and have been striving to make our lives as simple as possible for your coming birth. I want to make sure that Daddy and I can manage all the we have and all that we spend. I am also getting into doing your nursery. Folding your sweet little clothes gives me great joy. I love touching them, and imagining how you will fill them. Whats nurtured my soul? That's been music, and relaxation. Yoga has been a very good stress reliever for me in allowing me to realize this. God fills my soul. Every day that I wake up, and I touch your daddy and I see (or hear, as the case normally is) your brother head out the door for school, I know that God has touched my soul once more because he has blessed me with another day on this earth. He has blessed me with the ability to carry you along with me on this journey.
I used to find great joy in my art, my running, my friends, which I still do, to a degree. I'm definitely not running anymore. But its more of a surface nurturing joy. Now there is a deeper meaning to my existence. There is a purpose that I've been missing. Not in the sense that there's been the absence of love, because your daddy and I share a great, tremendous love. But it's the purpose of creating something from that love, and giving it life. It has been the creation of you.

I love you son.
Your mommy
 

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