Pregnancy Week 30

Dear Son,
I'm sorry it's been a few weeks since I've written you anything. I've been super busy getting ready for our baby shower and working a lot. A lot more than normal actually. Last weekend was the first weekend that I haven't worked in two weeks. Daddy, Christian and I spent Saturday in San Francisco, which coincidentally was Halloween! This is my last Halloween without you. I thought about that a lot that day. I wonder what all the chaos felt like to you in the womb? I saw some really funny costumes, it just made me all that more excited for your arrival. We also went to a kitchen store because we're going to be remodeling our kitchen, hopefully before you arrive, because its in desperate need of a face lift!

You're getting bigger baby boy, your movements are slowing and I can feel you really high near my ribs, which still hurt a lot. You seem to favor the east /west position a lot. I really hope you get a nice turn in before we go into labor. I want you to come naturally without the help of any doctor. I know you'll do what you're supposed to my baby.

Today, you got a really good stretch in and threw all your weight to the area near the left of my belly button, and you must have extended an arm near my ribs at the same time because I looked like a misshapen triangle for a little bit. You so totally amaze me, I can't believe how long you feel to me inside. I don't know how long or how big you are exactly. You are hanging really low and my tummy sticks out super far. I can't tell you how many times people ask me if I am carrying twins in there. I've gained a lot of weight in this pregnancy, but I'm not terribly concerned about it, because I know I have what it takes to get it off after. Also I don't want to obsess over calories and all that stuff. I'd much rather obsess over you, sweetness.

I had schedule a 30 minute 2D ultrasound so they could video tape you and I could get some good pictures of you, but at the last minute I decided to cancel the appointment. I read that the sound waves from the ultrasound could potentially damage your hearing. After looking back at your ultrasound pictures from the amnio appointment (I think that you were about 14 weeks along then) I noticed you touching your head and your ears. This really bothered me and made me want to cry because at the time I had no idea that I could've been hurting you. Anyhow, this really bothered me for a few days so I canceled the appointment. I can't bare to even think that something I'd do could hurt you, it makes me a little teary just thinking about it, so I'm going to change the subject.
So...I've been trying to visualize what our lives will be like when you come honey. The only thing I can imagine right now, is a lot of time I'll be spending alone with you when Daddy has to go to work. This makes me feel a little nervous because I will be so new at being your mommy. But what better way to learn. I think deep down there will be a part of me that will just know what you need when you need it. I have a feeling that you will just let me know. I imagine laying in bed with you next to me, babbling away, or looking at me when I change your diaper, or you quietly sucking away when I have to nurse you.
Regardless son, I am so darned excited to meet your sweet little face. I will always love you no matter what. I will post some pictures after Saturday - the day of our baby shower.

I love you,
Your Mommy