Pregnancy - Week 12

Dear Baby,
Today I am 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant with you. I feel you all the time now. You're amazing. Sometimes it hurts and other times I just feel like I'm being stretched out. The other day I was laying down watching TV waiting for work to come in and I jumped! Just like that - out of nowhere! I think you did a complete circle inside of me! It happened so fast! At first I worried that maybe I've been eating too much sugar or something, but then I just relaxed and realize that you're just growing and becoming active. Baby, I was already a little overweight when I first got pregnant, but now, I look rather large! I am starting to wonder if you're going to be big like your older brother. Another funny thing that's been happening is my dreams! Baby I don't know what you're thinking or feeling when I'm asleep but you give me very vivid and incredible dreams. I can ony imagine the depth of what your imagination will blossom into. I dream of outer space, deep ocean sea life, like big beautiful whales and sometimes Hawaii.

Your Zia Rosie and cousin Barnaby are here visiting from England. I love spending time with them, I don't get to see them that often. So it's been a real treat having them here, they are only here for 10 days. Nonna is having a wonderful time with them. She misses them a lot when they leave. She just keeps waiting and praying for you. We all are baby. You're so wanted, so many people are waiting for you. Daddy and I the most. We know how much you're going to change our lives. Even now just being pregnant with you, you've made me a better person. I care about things in ways I never felt before. Its usually because I'm thinking of you and your saftey and health. I think of the love you give me even now. I know that sounds crazy baby, but I can feel it. I can feel what an amazing little person you are even now. As I type this, you're moving around inside me. I can feel you at the bottom of my uterus. Sometimes it feels like you're dragging your feet, other times it feels like you're dancing. I think you know when I'm thinking about you.

Looking around the room, I am sitting in our living room, on white leather couches. I'm watching Buster sleep soundly, I smell lemon cheescake bars that I'm baking and I feel so tranquil and peaceful. I love my life baby. We are so blessed. We have so much in our lives that make it complete and whole, you are the frosting on this cake. I think of you everyday little one, and I smile.

I love you,
Your Mommy

Pregnancy - Week 11

Dear Baby,
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant with you. I can't believe how fast this time is flying by! I got to see you in my ultrasound today. I went to the doctor's unexpectedly because I developed a rash yesterday on my tummy. So today it wasn't planned. But I got to see you and baby you're sooooo cute. Your head is rather large and your tummy sticks out. It's so cute. It looks like you were resting in a little hammock.

Seeing scans of you makes this whole thing so real to me, in a way that I cannot explain. It's like our little window to you, because other than my few symptoms and a bump its like I'm just me. But I'm not, I'm an extraordinary me right now, I'm me with you!

Today, daddy and I have finally announced you to the world. Well to the internet at least and all of our friends and family on Facebook. Baby your so cute, I can't take my eyes off of you, even in this blurry ultrasound. I can see how easily children become their parents' world. I just hope I can remember to include other people when you are born. I am fairly convinced that I will be nothing short of obsessed with you for your whole life.

Thank you baby, for making my world such a beautiful place. Thank you for coming to us at the time that you did. God's timing was perfect!

Love you,
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 10

Dear Baby,
this week, I'm just over 10 weeks pregnant with you. I can't say that it has been super easy so far because pregnancy has been a little challenging. Not to say that I don't love having you with me at all times, but growing you has been a learning experience for me.

Before we conceived you baby, we found out that I had this thing called "Hashimoto's disease." It's an auto immune disease, where my body creates antibodies that attack itself. (more particularly my thyroid) When the doctor discovered this problem, she immediately put me on medication which helped so much. That was just a few months before I became pregnant. But since then, my medication has been a moving target. Getting pregnant with you made my thryoid function a little wonky so they had to increase the medication. So far you and I both seem to be okay with it all. There are days that are more difficult than others. What normal women seem to go through in terms of hormonal challenges seem to be an uphill battle for me. I feel like I did before we conceived you. I feel really emotional, I cry very easily, and I get angry even easier. I don't like feeling this way baby. I'm grumpy a lot of the time, and have been having a hard time feeling like my happy self, even though God's given us the most incredible gift to be happy about! I even cry at watching commercials! Lately these days, I feel really lonely. I really want these mood swings to stop because I'm making myself and everyone around me miserable. My only prayer is that you don't feel any of this baby. I don't want you feel what I've been feeling, although I hear its inevitable. Sometimes, I think you do because you cause little pains here and there when I'm feeling my worst. It's like you're saying "Mom, just relax."

I have been working from home for the past several weeks, and tomorrow I go back to work. I'm okay with this. I think I've been feeling a little too isolated. I miss seeing people around me. Although I don't know what I'm going to do when I get really tired in the afternoon, when I can hardly keep my eyes open! When we get closer to your due date baby (around Christmas / New Years Eve) I'll be with our whole family and that's what matters to me the most baby. You, your daddy, your brother, you aunties, my parents, my sister, daddy's family, all of them. I sometimes wonder if you'll arrive early. You will get to meet some of my closest friends visiting for the holidays! But you just take your time baby, you come when you're good and ready. I'll be waiting here.

Oh I almost forgot to mention! I've started creating a quilt for you with little baby sheep and bright yellow flowers on it. I think you're going to like it. Your nursery is going to be yellow. Daddy and I have been looking at cribs, changing tables and rocking chairs for your room. I want it to be perfect for when you arrive. I want you to fit right in, even though I'm sure you'll be sleeping with us for a while. :)

I love you baby, and even though I've been feeling really crummy this week, you're worth every effort and more.

Love,
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 9

Dear baby,
This week has been an interesting one. I've been thinking about your health and well being a lot. I think I am going to have an amnio (It's a test where they take the fluid from the sack that you're in to see what your chromosomes look like) Baby, I know we'll be okay, and I know that you're just fine, but I have to feel 100% certain. It will remove a few tablespoons of your fluid, but you will recreate it just like that! It's been a hard decision, because I don't want to do anything that could harm you, but I need to know that you're in good health. For mine and daddy's sake and peace of mind.

Today, you've been especially active. I've been feeling all sorts of little pains and things. At lunch I had some yogurt and I don't know if you liked it a bunch or what, cause you were making things feel strange like moving. So I put my hand up against the place where I felt it, and you did it again, against my hand! You're a very active little one. You're about the size of an olive this week, and you're fingers, eyes, shoulders, and limbs are formed. You're still growing, but in just a few short weeks you'll be 100% formed, and will just start putting on weight. My boobs hurts a little too, sometimes they alternate, but the pain is there. They're getting ready to feed you I think. Trust me, baby you will NOT go hungry. :)

Nonna and Nonno left for a cruise yesterday. They are on a ship with Zia Nunziella, Uncle Peter, Jim, Lucy, Stella and Alberto. All of whom you will meet I'm sure shortly after your birth. They are all so excited about you. I'm glad they're having a good time. Their cruise ship left San Francisco and is going to stop in Alaska and Canada. It sounds like a really lovely time, I hope Nonno takes a lot of pictures. Your daddy and I really like the warm tropical weather. Maybe someday we'll take you to Hawaii. He grew up there. I love it there baby, if I had the chance I'd move there. But we don't want to be too far from our family and loved ones. And I don't want to take you away from them either.

You know baby, I'm amazed everyday at all the wonderful things you're allowing me to feel and experience. It's a beautiful reminder of my own humanity, and the blessings of God. Its been an honor to be able to carry you with me.

I love you.
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 8 Update

Dear Baby,
Daddy and I got to see you on ultrasound today! Oh my goodness baby you've grown so much since two weeks ago!!! I can see your little head, and your body, and your heartbeat! Your heart was beating 164 beats per minute! So fast! Honey, when I look at your pictures, I feel so happy. I can't explain it, its like my heart opens up and there's a flood of emotion that pours out. And it's all because of you. I can't even begin to imagine how happy you're going to make us. I can't wait to feel you in my arms and see your beautiful little face staring back at me.

Baby, every time I get the opportunity to see you, I really truly see what a little miracle and blessing you are in my life. You have given me so much to get excited about. I love your daddy so much. I thought about this on my way home from the hospital today. I love him so so much, that its an honor to carry about a little part of him (you) inside me. I love how his face softens when he see's your image. I love how he loves Christian more than life, because baby he's going to be the same way for you. He already loves you and you're not even here yet! We fell asleep the other night, and his hand lay resting on my tummy so he could be near you. Baby it was so beautiful that it made me want to cry. You're so very wanted, and loved.

I love you.
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 8

Dear Baby,
Today I am a little over 8 weeks pregnant with you. I have been working from home, and baby it's been divine. I get to spend a lot more time with Daddy and Christian. I've been hunting around for furniture for your nursery too. I'm so excited for your arrival! Tomorrow we have another ultrasound to see how you're doing. I'm really excited about it, maybe even a little bit scared. I know you're going to be okay. We have two appointments actually, Daddy will come to the first one and I think Nonna is coming to the second one. I'm not sure yet.
Its' been raining this week, which is a little unusual for May. Sometimes the rain makes me a little sad, because I really want to see sunshine. Baby you're going to love living here. California has the nicest weather. Its very moderate but still crisp enough to feel the change of the seasons. I keep wondering if you're going to make your appearance early or late. If you're early, you'll be born sometime after Christmas. This year, we're going to spend it near home just in case you do. I want to be close to the hospital. Most of the time we spend it with your Auntie Tonia. You will love her baby, she's such a good person. She will love you too. She and your Nonna (both of them) have dreamed about you. Your Zia Nunziella has dreamed about you too. She's Nonna's sister.
I really want you to learn Italian baby. I want you to be able to speak it well, and be able to use it to your advantage. I'm sure Nonna is going to speak to you in Italian quite a bit. Also you'll be able to go to England to spend time with your Zia Rosie too! Baby you have family all over the globe!
Physically this week, you've been quiet. I think its still too soon to feel you, right now I just feel minor cramping here and there, and strangely I see stars when I get up too fast. I eat, and sleep and work a lot. I'm a little nervous to exercise too hard because I don't want to hurt you. I've been told that in a few weeks I'm going to start feeling a lot better. Lately these days, I've been feeling like throwing up a lot. I've only thrown up once so far, but feel sick for almost the whole day on most days. I'm pretty tired too. I can fall asleep instantly!
I've been looking at clothes for you. I'm itching to go shopping. But we still don't know if you're a boy or a girl, so it would be a little silly to buy you anything yet. The stores really carry a lot of pink and blue stuff. But blue is my favorite color, so even if you're a girl you'll probably have blue things anyway. And daddy is going to make sure that eventually you will be enrolled in jujitsu. He wants to make sure that you can defend yourself. I think this is a great idea. Either way, boy or girl you will always know how to protect yourself, if we can't. But my promise, as always is to do whatever is humanly possible to make sure that you're well taken care of, protected, and loved at all times.

I can't wait to meet you!

I love you.
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 7

Dear Baby,
I am now 7 weeks pregnant with you. My moods are starting to change as I am now starting to feel the full throttle of the hormonal shift. It has been a little difficult. I find that my moods change really fast, and I can't really eat. I'm very nauseated. I am really tired these days. Some days its hard to even keep my eyes open.
After seeing your little heartbeat on the ultrasound last week, it really made you real to me. I actually saw it pulsating. That was the most amazing thing. Its strange to think that just a few months ago, after a routine visit with my doctor, my uterus was completely empty! God is truly amazing baby. Never forget that. I had lost so much hope in the process of trying to conceive you that I felt like my time with you would never come. But here it is! Everyday is a new adventure, carrying you inside me. I sometimes wonder what I'm going to feel next. You really really don't like sweet food, or foods that have too much flavor. I've learned to love very plain things like rice cakes, plain fruit, I LOVE apples, and bananas.
Nonna and Nonno saw your ultrasound picture, which sits nicely in a frame next to our bed. Their eyes softened up and they got so excited. Daddy's eyes smile when he see's your picture. My heart just fills with love baby. You have a way of doing that to me. I can be having a really bad day, or feel like crying (for no reason) and just thinking of you brings light to my heart.
I wonder what you will be! The wait is so hard! We have 11 more weeks until we can find out if you're a girl or a boy. I don't care. You'll be so sweet, you'll be ours.

I love you.

your mommy