Pregnancy - Week 23

Dear baby boy,

Wow the weeks are really speeding by. I can't believe we're more than 2/3 of the way through! I've been trying to clear out your nursery, wow baby you've got a lot of things now! We've been fortunate enough to receive hand-me-downs from 4 different babies! You're a very lucky little fellow. I have a big hamper of clothes sitting right next to me that needs to be folded and put away. As I fold your little things, I just marvel at that fact that sometime soon you will be wearing them!

My baby shower is approaching soon. I have about 8 or 9 people helping me out with this! My friends have been amazing throughout this pregnancy. My one friend Emma has been particularly sweet. She is really excited to meet you.

Today I was cleaning out your closet and trying to put something away into my own closet (a big plastic bin of drawers filled with my art supplies) and oh my goodness two of the drawers flew out and bonked me on the head! I even tried to duck to get out of the way and still I was nailed..Now I'm just nursing a headache. But thankfully nothing came near you. I need to be more careful. I seem to think I can tackle more than I can these days. With your due date quickly approaching, I feel like I'm running out of time!

I've been keeping track of your kicks lately. You're a very active little funny bunny. At night sometimes you'll give me about 10 kicks in about 9 or 10 minutes! Other times you keep me in suspense and wait around for about 30-40 minutes before doing anything. I've heard that at this point in your development this is normal. So I'm not too stressed about it. If you don't do anything at all, then I get worried.

Daddy and I decided to remodel the kitchen. I'm sure it will look so amazingly beautiful! I think we'll probably get started on it in October. That's my only requirement is that we get it all done before you arrive. I don't want you to have to try and sleep through construction and strange people coming in and out of our house. I want everything to be perfect by the time you get here. Plus that will give Daddy and I some much needed rest. I'm sure you'll have a very whacky sleeping schedule for a bit, so it's very possible we will be really sleep deprived. That is not a good time for any other stresses.

Daddy gets really excited when he feels you kicking. I think you two seem to have this unspoken understanding or something. Or maybe you just know who is daddy and who is mommy. I think you already know who I am because of my voice. I've been singing to you lately. Sometimes on our walks in the morning. We've been going on walks at about 7am for the past week and a half. You seem to do well on them, except for today, I must've pushed us too hard because I was in pain when I got home from my walk. That's why I'm working from home today. To just try and take it easy. I guess I'm not doing a very good job of relaxing. I just feel like there is so much to be done still and I'm barely there yet.

I need to run my baby boy. Below you will find a picture of us taken this morning. I think you're going to be a pretty big boy by the looks of my growing tummy.



I love you,

Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 22

Dear Baby boy,
I'm just a little over 22 weeks pregnant with you. What a little spit-fire you are! You are so active and bouncy I get tired just sitting sometimes! It's amazing to me what a vibrant little source of life you are just sprouting up in my tummy! I look extremely pregnant, maybe a little too big. I'm now committing to walking as often as I can. I think it will be good for both of us. I'd stopped because you were shifting down a little too low and giving me pains.

Last week, Daddy and I went to a mid-pregnancy class. It was very interesting to learn that just at 21 weeks you were hitting milestones that babies at the gestational age of 24-28 weeks normally hit. Baby, you're developing FAST.

This week we're starting to nail down baby shower stuff. I've started the registry for you, and man is there a lot to think of! Its a little overwhelming. I wish I could just have everything I need without having to think about it, compare brands, and consider the cost. I love shopping for you, but for the fun silly things, like clothes and nursery room stuff. Nail clippers, thermometers, they just make me a little confused. I really wont' know how you will handle all this stuff until you're born and I just have to try it out on you. Eeeek, I don't even want to think about clipping your teeny tiny nails, that just freaks me out. I tried to help my good friend Veronica with her daughter Sophia and it was so difficult when she was swinging her little arms all over the place. So maybe I'll give it a try while you're napping...

Baby you're arrival is so close, I'm getting sooooo excited. I can't wait to meet you!!! I feel you all the time, except right now, I think you're napping. The other night you gave me quite a scare. I guess you were napping for a few hours, because normally you're so active and you were just quiet that whole day until late that night. Daddy and I were so nervous, I was about to go to the hospital when suddenly you gave me 10 little kicks in about 10 minutes! The nurse told me to keep an eye out for at 3 kicks in two hours. So you can see why when you're not drumming up a storm I worry. Already little one, you have me so wrapped up around your little/big fingers. I'm sure my heart will turn to mush and everything I've learned with Christian will go out the window. Poor guy has learned that I can be really hard on him, but that's only because I want him to grow up in to a strong, good young man, as I wish for you too. But I can only do and say so much with your brother. After all, I am not his mommy. I am yours. But that doesn't stop me from loving him like his mommy. Someday baby this will all make sense to you. You will understand the bigger picture. When its time we will teach you all that you need to know and then some. You will NEVER go without, not as long as your daddy and I are alive. And even after that, nonna and nonno wouldn't let you go without.

I made this classical song list for you, and I'm listening to it right now. Its so beautiful baby that it makes me want to cry. Sometimes, the sound of instruments make such amazingly beautiful sounds that words cannot depict. When you are born, I will play this for you. Who knows, maybe it will inspire you to pick up an instrument and give it a try. Whatever you decide to do in life little one, you will always have my support. As long as you do it with love and keep God as number 1 in your heart.

I love you baby.

Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 21

Dear Son,
Today I am 21 weeks pregnant with you. we have 19 more weeks to go, until your expected appearance. Today, I discovered that you seem to really enjoy the group Journey. You were kicking and punching up a storm, right along to the beat of the music. It was amazing actually. Tomorrow daddy and I have a mid-pregnancy class to learn about what to expect during this time. I'm sure it will be really interesting.

We have finally picked out your name! We plan to call you Sebastian Joseph Urmeneta. Sebastian because your daddy loves this name, and Joseph because I want to honor nonnna and nonno and your great great nonno's also named Joseph. It's a family name in the Tranchina family that goes way way back. Also, your cousin Barnaby has the same middle name. :)

I can't believe how quickly the weeks are flying by. Today is probably the hottest day we will have this summer. Its currently 101 degrees outside. Christian just started school yesterday, he's a sophmore at Fremont High School. He's growing up so fast, I can barely believe my eyes sometimes. As are you my darling. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and take in your smell.

These past few days have been really super emotional for me. I seem to cry so easily. Your zia Rosie has been having some health issues, so I think that's adding to my worries. But mostly I worry about being good enough for you. I worry about change. I wish I could not worry so much. I'm sure once you and I meet, my view on everything will change completely. I already feel so protective of you. In fact I've stopped going to busy/crowded places, because I worry people will bump into me and hurt you. I'm getting really big! I've gained about 20lbs. I've never looked like this before. So, for the sake of remembering to write this, I wanted to mention that you kick a lot these days. So much, in fact sometimes it hurts, and other times you make me lose my breath because it's so hard. You kick and punch when you're hungry I think. If I go too long without eating, you seem to move around a lot like a little jumping bean, that's the size of a banana/small cantalope? I can't keep track of what size of produce you're supposed to resemble. But I think you should probably weigh about 10 oz. by now. Its amazing to feel you move around. Because sometimes when I'm working and caught up in something, you give me a little bump. It's a sweet reminder of your existence.

My friends Emma and Brenda gave us so many things baby! We have three carseats and numerous toys and so many clothes and things for you. Daddy and I have been marveling at how blessed we are to have such good friends. You are set until you are about a year or two old.

Anyway baby, I love you. I feel you a lot and dream about you. I can't wait to meet you. But take your time I need you to be fully baked before coming out. 40 weeks son, let's aim for that.


Love you,
Your Mommy

Pregnancy - Week 20

Dear Son,
What a fiesty little baby you are! You have been kicking and punching and moving and stretching like crazy! Sitting down is a bit of a challenge, moving around is even a challenge, I have to move slowly. I love how active you are because it really shows me how vivacious you are and you're just 5 months in utero!
Today I went to the doctors cause last night you gave me a scare. Coming back from lunch I think you got stuck in one position and could get out of it, it hurt me a lot physically. You felt like you were resting really low inside me. So I went home and after and I laid down, you did two rolls and stretched out. I think we both felt a lot better. I think you just need a little more space. Today the doctor listened to you heartbeat. What a strong little heart you have, it's like a chugging little train. It made me melt. Then he checked my urine and my cervix just to make sure I was tight as a drum and keeping you inside me, which I was. But with all this activity going on inside me, I feel like you've loosened things up inside me! I can't explain it very well, but I feel like its really easy for me to lose my balance and I seem to stumble around a lot. Its saftest if I am just laying down or sitting quietly.
I've been snippy lately...I've been told that your increasing testasterone is affecting me adversely. I've been really agressive and angry lately. I hope this doesn't go on for too long, cause I am not sure I even like me right now. I just keep thinking of the end result, you beautiful little you. I make daddy crazy these days. I guess he feels like he's walking on eggshells with me, cause no one knows when I'm going to blow. :( not even me, most of the time. One minute I feel fine, and the next I feel like I could strangle someone. And this is on most days.
I've been told that later on in our pregnancy the doctor will give me a kick counter to see how often you're kicking. I suppose your kicking is going to slow down a little with the decrease in space you have. You don't seem to mind it too much right now, because once you get tired of one area, you move on to the next. You seem to like kicking and poking the same spot over and over again.
I made a CD for you, all of the classical greatest hits. I hope you like it. When I listen to it, you seem to respond to the music. I wonder if you can hear the music that I hear. I know you can hear my voice. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm screaming all the time. I'll try to keep that in check. I want you to have a safe and comfy little haven, and I don't feel like I've done a very good job at providing that for you.
I can't wait to see you again sweet boy. We have an ultrasound in about a month. I'm sure you will have grown a lot since then. Daddy and I have a few classes coming up, one is a mid-pregnancy class, and the next one is birth readiness. I think they'll teach me how to handle birthing you and learning how to breath properly, etc. I'm excited. It's like the movies. Well my darling baby boy, I need to run. We still haven't agreed on a name for you yet. I feel like I need to wait to feel strongly about one name and so far I don't.

I love you to pieces.

Your Mommy

Pregnancy - week 19

Dear baby boy,
Last night you and I had a secret conversation while I was lying awake trying to fall asleep. I spoke to you with my thoughts. And here's something I don't know if I've told you, I apologize if I have.

Mommy: "have I told you lately how much I love being pregnant with you?"
You: ..quietness...
Mommy: "it's been a joy to carry you son. I don't want our time together to end."
You: ..thump, thump...roll....
Mommy: "I am so eager to hold you in my arms, I can smell your sweetness already."
You: ...quietness...thump, thump, poke.....
Mommy: "okay, okay, I know you don't like it when I lay on my right side, but laying on my back is so comfortable and scary at the same time. I will shift to my left side."
You: ...content....
Mommy: "goodnight son, I love you baby."
You: ...happy quietness....

Of course I don't really know if that's what you were feeling/thinking, but it's what I've imagined. I have visions of you sometimes in a little yellow onesie pajama, with dark hair, and a big diaper butt, and you're so cute. I can see the back of your head and you smell so sweet, like I could just drink you in.
You're really active, all the time. I'm trying to cut back on sugar and carbs, just to give you a winning chance, and myself a winning chance to stop gaining so much weight. To date I've gained 20lbs. We've got 4 more months baby, I need to slow things down. I want both of us to be healthy.
This weekend, Daddy and I are planning to clean out the garage. It's a chore neither of us are looking forward to, but I'm hoping it will give me a chance to offload a few things that are cluttering up your room. I still have to empty your closet, dismantle the shelves that currently reside above your crib. And empty the bookshelf, and find a new home for it, or paint it black. I don't know. I will most likely find a new home for it, because you desperately need a lamp, a changing table, and a glider with an ottoman. I don't know how/when I will be able to afford these things, but somehow, I just know that they will come.

I need to run. I love you baby.

Your mommy.

Pregnancy - Week 18

Dear baby boy,
Everyday you give me something new to feel. This past week your movements have gotten stronger and a little more painful. You don't seem to like it when I sit still for too long. Also when I get emotional it seems to affect you directly. I never really knew what to make of that bond between parent and child and now I am actually feeling it for myself. Its like you know I am upset and you get upset too. The other day while I was on hold with the DMV for over 20 minutes I was getting noticeably irritated and you kicked me so hard that it made my eyes water. Honey you're the size of a sweet potato! What will I do when you're the size of a sack of flour? :)
Daddy and I are getting increasingly excited about your entrance into this world. I think he felt you last weekend, although it was a faint little push, we felt you doing something for sure. Your brother just turned 15. What a teenager! He didn't want a party, didn't want anything actually. Except for an airsoft gun. He's such a funny boy. It's all part of growing up I guess. I think it's just hard for Daddy and I to accept that he isn't a little boy anymore. Although he's not quite an adult yet either...
I miss nonna terribly this week. She's still in England with Zia Rosie. I called them when they were in Italy, I got to chat with all of our relatives there. They're so excited about my darling. I look at your pictures from the amnio everyday and I just sigh and stare at you. You're so beautiful to me and you're physically such a little thing! Your amnio results came back last week and just as I'd predicted you're 100% okay and perfectly normal. I thank God for your health and well being, because baby if anything was wrong, I don't know what I'd do.
You're still causing my hormones to get a little crazy. Yesterday I cried on the way to work for no reason at all. I hear a song that we all love called "sweet disposition" by Temper Trap. I thought about Daddy, Chrisitan and you. And strangely I thought about how I would feel when we had to drop you off at daycare or your first day of school. I'm not ready to think about these things. I want our precious time with you to last and last.
I'm finding it's just easier for me right now to not dwell on things that are hard for me to think about. Like giving birth to you for example. It scares the daylights out of me, and I hope I do a good job at it, but for now, the obsession of it is going on the back burner, as are thoughts of your cute little body bouncing off to school with children your own age.

I love you my sweet little baby boy.

Your Mommy

Pregnancy - Week 17

Dear Son,
I am now 17 weeks pregnant with you. Its recently dawned on me that I think I complain too much about my weight and stuff about my pregnancy to others. When in fact, I LOVE being pregnant with you. I love knowing that you're okay because I feel your movements all the time. More strongly now than ever before. More than anything, I'm so fascinated with your development, growth, and most importantly your soul. You amaze me daily, the miracle of you just astonishes me. I often wonder about your personality, what you will look like, but more than anything, I wonder what you will "feel" like to me. I know I will love you, that is a given, but how will that love that I have so deep inside me, meld with your being? How will I feel being the center of someone's universe? I've never been that to anyone or anything before. Sometimes, I get so scared, scared that I might fail, but often, I get really excited and happy. I know I say this over and over again, but being that big of a factor, or influential being for anyone can be intimidating. I hope that I can ingraine all the best that I have to offer in you. I have a feeling that you will make me a better person. I'm not a bad person, but see sometimes that I have selfish tendencies. Everyone does, but I think you will probably wipe that all away, and you know, I'm glad about that. I'm ready to change. I'm ready to throw myself into your life as selflessly and passionately as I am humanly able.
I want you to read this someday, and really undertand where I am coming from. I am 34 years old, I am a graphic designer, I am a wife (for 4 years as of yesterday) and a stepmom. Being a "mother" thankfully has felt more natural to me than not. I fear that I have made mistakes with your brother during this learning curve as his stepmom, and I hope someday he will forgive me, but there are things that I cannot give him emotionally that only his mother can. The best I can hope for is that he see's that I love him with all my heart, and hope that I represent what a good woman should be like to him. He is a wonderful boy. He will be immersed in manhood when you are old enough to read this. For that I am sorry, I had hoped that you two would be closer in age, but I think he will become quite protective of you. I have tried my best to give him what he needs in a mother. Daddy is a really really good dad to him and he will be to you too. There are feelings sometimes, that scare the heck out of me, because I think what if I am not good enough for you? I think a lot of women probably fear this. One thing I can absolutely gauruntee you with 100% of my heart, is that I will move heaven and earth to shield you from any harm, spiritually, physcially, emotionally. I worry about the girl that you will someday chose as your wife, because that will require me to let go. But I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself. One step at a time, and for now that first step is giving birth to you and holding your precious little body in my arms.
Below are the pictures we had taken of you during our amnio appointment last week, which by the way you handled magnificently!!!


I love you,
Your mommy