Pregnancy - Week 16 / Amnio / Gender

Dear Baby,
You're a boy!!!! I'm so surprised but so happy! You were a champ yesterday during our amnio appointment. You were so cute and active, and then you settled down and just let the doctor do what he needed to do. Our doctor was Dr. Meyer, he was very very good. He's been doing this for over 20 years. When they withdrew your fluid it was nice and clear and just looked like baby urine. I felt one pretty strong contraction and then it was done. The poke of the needle was actually quite painless. Having my blood drawn hurts more. You seem to be handling this whole procedure quite well. I had just a few cramps last night, but overall feel okay. I can't get over how something that freaked me out so much went so smoothly. Now we just have to wait until July 31st to get our test results. Hopefully they will come sooner. I know you're fine baby. They showed us your movements in the ultrasounds, and you were wiggling all over the place, at one point you showed us your cute little bum, and your little pee-pee. You had some really cute moments sweetness. We saw your feet pressed together, your left hand with all its fingers and you dramatically touching your head, like you were an actor or something. I couldn't get enough of you. We got to see all four chambers of your heart, your kidneys, all your bones, and other organs I'm sure I'm forgetting.
If I can get to it today, I am going to scan your ultrasound pictures and post them up here so I can always remember them. Everyone was so happy to hear the news about your gender. Baby it was a very happy day for me and Daddy and Christian. After all this time in my tummy you've been a little boy. I wonder what your personality will be like? I wonder what your likes and dislikes will be, and your temperment. I think you're going to be an active little one, but very very loving. I can feel you moving around, which is such a relief, at least I know that you're okay after yesterday and seem to be making the same movements inside me. I've been trying to drink a lot and keep myself hydrated for you.
The doctor tells us that you can possibly be born anytime between Dec. 29th and Jan. 4th. We'll see! You could be a New Years Eve baby! Daddy and I still haven't decided on your name, which is fine. I want the name we chose to feel right and seem like it belongs to you. So far, there are just a few choices that we agree on, but we'lll figure it out soon, I'm sure.

I think I am going to knit you something to wear when you come home from the hospital. It's hard to judge what your size will be, but I'll just estimate a little on the bigger side.
I love you baby, and am so delighted to finally know what your gender is. Its all coming together slowly.

I love you,
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 15 +

Dear Baby,
Tomorrow I get to see you again! I'm almost 16 weeks, I'll write another post when I am. But for today we're still just at 15 weeks. I saw you last week during an ultrasound, I was having problems breathing and I kept getting pains in my sides, and swollen feet. Turns out you're perfectly okay. But wow baby! You're big! I didn't expect you to be that big! You were really active too, moving your cute little arms and legs all over the place, and then you did this great big stretch, throwing your little head back. I think you're starting to get a little crammed in there.
Tomorrow is our amnio appointment. I'm really nervous baby, but I have to be calm for you. I know deep down in my heart that you're going to be okay. I just feel it. I know our results are going to come back perfectly fine and you will be a healthy, happy baby. The only thing I can't figure out yet, is if you're a girl or a boy...That part still puzzles me. I get boy feelings a lot these days, but early on dreamnt about girls. For some reason I always assumed I'd have a son before I had a daughter. But in a way, I do, I have Christian.
It's been hot these past few days. I went to the beach with my girlfriends on Saturday. We have this annual beach outing called L.O. Girls beach day. It marks the anniversary of the day we were all laid off from Duarte Design. That day we were so stunned and so lost. This past Saturday, (marked the third annual L.O. Girls Beach day) and it was pleasant. We had interesting conversations and really just enjoyed each other's company. My friends Lisa and Denise were there. They can't wait to meet you baby. Then on Sunday, Daddy, Christian and I went to Los Gatos and had breakfast and then went to Powells candy shop. That's one of our favorite things to do. You're brother was being a typical teenager, and I think we were all just hot and a little tense. But overall, it was a nice day. I wonder sometimes how those days are going to change when you are born. I think about how you're going to fit into our family. You will be loved and cherished no matter what, but it will be interesting to see the evolution of our little family. It's been just me Daddy and Christian for many years baby, about 8. It may take some adjusting. I just wish you'd had a chance to grow up with your brother, he's going to be 15 years older than you. He will love you, I'm sure of it, but I know that he's spent a lot of his childhood waiting to meet you. You're going to be a big deal for all of us.
Nonna is going to England and then to Italy. She leaves on Wednesday. She's going to visit her cousin, baby. It's going to be a difficult trip for her I think. Maria is one of her dearest cousins and she doesn't have a lot of time left to live on this earth with us. I pray for her that God welcomes her gently. This will be the second loss of a close friend / family relative for me this year. It's been challenging, but I'm starting to see that I am much more strong than I ever thought I was. I never thought I could cope with loss, but I can. I also have learned how good I am getting at coping with gain! We've gained you my precious little one. Hopefully tomorrow you will reveal to us if you're a boy or a girl, I can't wait to start getting you things!!!

I love you,
your Mommy

Pregnancy - Week 14

Dear Baby,
I'm not feeling so hot today. I woke up a lot last night with stretching pains all around my tummy. I doubt that Daddy got a good night's sleep because I was so wrestless. I kept looking down at the floor near my side of the bed thinking that's where I'd want to put a basinette for you to lay in. I had this picture in my mind of having my hand in it just to touch you.

Our amnio appointment is coming up baby, I am nervous for us. But I want you to know that it's going to be okay. Just please be still while the doctor does what he/she needs to do, and I promise I will take it easy after that. In fact I will be working from home for the rest of that week just so I can lay in bed and make sure that we recover peacefully. I need your fluids to be replenished during that time. I've been reading that talking to you will put you at ease. I don't even think that's necessary because I think you can feel my thoughts. I know you feel what I feel right now, so I am doing my best to feel wonderful. For both of us.

Zia Rosie and Barnaby left yesterday. Me, Nonna and Nonno are really sad. Its always really strange when they go, cause it's like really she never left CA. We used to live together when she lived here, I really miss those times. But now that she's in another country, baby I miss her so much. Love works in such mysterious ways. Barnaby is a sweetheart, I kept trying to tell him about you but I think being 4 years old it was a tough concept for his little mind to grasp. He loves Christian and Daddy so much. He was Christian's little shadow when he was here. You will love him too baby, he's a sweet little boy.

I am at work right now so I can't type much. I'm having a hard time focusing and staying on track. I keep thinking about you. Its so funny baby, right now you're about the size of my fist inside of me, and my thoughts are so preoccupied by what is best for you. I hope I don't leave Daddy or Christian out. I love them so much, they know that I love them, but sometimes I wonder if I show them that enough. Last night, I laid down on the floor of our bedroom with Buster our dog. He's such a sweet animal. He has so much love in his eyes baby. He's like my doggy baby, he even snorts and rubs his eyes like a little baby. It's really cute, but sometimes I wonder if its just cute to me because I love him so much?

Anyway baby I'm kind of moody today and still in a bit of pain. People keep telling me that this is only the beginning. I can only imagine what my body will feel like in a few months. I'm just super excited to begin feeling your little arms and legs move.

I love you baby.

Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 13

Hello Baby,
I'm a little behind in my posts. As I'm almost 14 weeks right now. I'll post again a little later this week to catch up. I've been away from the computer because it's been 4th of July weekend! Last night we had a nice lunch with your uncle Johnathan, and his family and then watched the fireworks with the rest of our family (my mom, dad, and sister and little Barnaby) it was magical. I love the 4th of July.

This week, you've been growing, I can feel it. I can also feel your movements even though people tell me it's too soon. Sometimes, when I am just sitting around I can feel you move super fast like a fast little flutter. It really amazes me that you're so active! People keep telling me that you're going to be a girl, but lately baby, I've been feeling boy feelings. I really have no clue what your gender will be, but it really doesn't matter to me.

Last week, Daddy and I bought your crib. I think we bought the wrong one cause it doesn't covert the way we want it to. I'm not sure, I think we may just keep it, I don't know yet. Your room is still filled with office junk and desperately needs cleaning, we still have an old mattress in there that we need to get rid of.

The weather has been really nice these past few weeks. Nice and warm. Sometimes, we don't do too well in the heat. We seem to get a little agitated. I feel really bloated, and my head starts hurting, so it's best for me to stay in an air-conditioned environment.

I'm really kind of sad baby, this week, your Zia Rosie and cousin Barnaby are leaving to go home to England. They've been here for almost 10 days! I've gotten to see them a lot which makes me really happy. Tonight I am going to have dinner with them and Nonno and Nonna. The next time I will see them will be sometime in February, after you are born. Your uncle Matthew will come back with them to meet you.

The other night baby, I had the strangest feeling. I was watching TV with Daddy just dozing off, and then suddenly I had a vision of you at full term, all tucked away in my uterus. You were a pretty large baby and you were so squished. And then I woke up holding my tummy. Cause suddenly it hit me...I'm your mommy! You're going to rely on me for the rest of your life. Which I don't mind baby, but it's an adjustment for me. I've never really had anyone rely of me except for Daddy and Christian and even then, they're rather easy. But I will be your everything, for a very long time. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wasn't a little scared, more excited than scared. I just want to make sure that I do everything perfectly for you. We're going to be learning togehter baby, and I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope I don't screw anything up. Your life means the world to me. I think about you daily and wonder what you're going to look like, although sometimes, I think I have a faint idea. I know you will be beautiful to me no matter what. Big, small, girl, boy whatever. You're ours. Because God is trusting us with you. I hope that we can do a good enough job to provide you with everything that you need.

I love you baby, and can't wait to meet you!

Your mommy.

Pregnancy - Week 12

Dear Baby,
Today I am 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant with you. I feel you all the time now. You're amazing. Sometimes it hurts and other times I just feel like I'm being stretched out. The other day I was laying down watching TV waiting for work to come in and I jumped! Just like that - out of nowhere! I think you did a complete circle inside of me! It happened so fast! At first I worried that maybe I've been eating too much sugar or something, but then I just relaxed and realize that you're just growing and becoming active. Baby, I was already a little overweight when I first got pregnant, but now, I look rather large! I am starting to wonder if you're going to be big like your older brother. Another funny thing that's been happening is my dreams! Baby I don't know what you're thinking or feeling when I'm asleep but you give me very vivid and incredible dreams. I can ony imagine the depth of what your imagination will blossom into. I dream of outer space, deep ocean sea life, like big beautiful whales and sometimes Hawaii.

Your Zia Rosie and cousin Barnaby are here visiting from England. I love spending time with them, I don't get to see them that often. So it's been a real treat having them here, they are only here for 10 days. Nonna is having a wonderful time with them. She misses them a lot when they leave. She just keeps waiting and praying for you. We all are baby. You're so wanted, so many people are waiting for you. Daddy and I the most. We know how much you're going to change our lives. Even now just being pregnant with you, you've made me a better person. I care about things in ways I never felt before. Its usually because I'm thinking of you and your saftey and health. I think of the love you give me even now. I know that sounds crazy baby, but I can feel it. I can feel what an amazing little person you are even now. As I type this, you're moving around inside me. I can feel you at the bottom of my uterus. Sometimes it feels like you're dragging your feet, other times it feels like you're dancing. I think you know when I'm thinking about you.

Looking around the room, I am sitting in our living room, on white leather couches. I'm watching Buster sleep soundly, I smell lemon cheescake bars that I'm baking and I feel so tranquil and peaceful. I love my life baby. We are so blessed. We have so much in our lives that make it complete and whole, you are the frosting on this cake. I think of you everyday little one, and I smile.

I love you,
Your Mommy

Pregnancy - Week 11

Dear Baby,
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant with you. I can't believe how fast this time is flying by! I got to see you in my ultrasound today. I went to the doctor's unexpectedly because I developed a rash yesterday on my tummy. So today it wasn't planned. But I got to see you and baby you're sooooo cute. Your head is rather large and your tummy sticks out. It's so cute. It looks like you were resting in a little hammock.

Seeing scans of you makes this whole thing so real to me, in a way that I cannot explain. It's like our little window to you, because other than my few symptoms and a bump its like I'm just me. But I'm not, I'm an extraordinary me right now, I'm me with you!

Today, daddy and I have finally announced you to the world. Well to the internet at least and all of our friends and family on Facebook. Baby your so cute, I can't take my eyes off of you, even in this blurry ultrasound. I can see how easily children become their parents' world. I just hope I can remember to include other people when you are born. I am fairly convinced that I will be nothing short of obsessed with you for your whole life.

Thank you baby, for making my world such a beautiful place. Thank you for coming to us at the time that you did. God's timing was perfect!

Love you,
Your mommy

Pregnancy - Week 10

Dear Baby,
this week, I'm just over 10 weeks pregnant with you. I can't say that it has been super easy so far because pregnancy has been a little challenging. Not to say that I don't love having you with me at all times, but growing you has been a learning experience for me.

Before we conceived you baby, we found out that I had this thing called "Hashimoto's disease." It's an auto immune disease, where my body creates antibodies that attack itself. (more particularly my thyroid) When the doctor discovered this problem, she immediately put me on medication which helped so much. That was just a few months before I became pregnant. But since then, my medication has been a moving target. Getting pregnant with you made my thryoid function a little wonky so they had to increase the medication. So far you and I both seem to be okay with it all. There are days that are more difficult than others. What normal women seem to go through in terms of hormonal challenges seem to be an uphill battle for me. I feel like I did before we conceived you. I feel really emotional, I cry very easily, and I get angry even easier. I don't like feeling this way baby. I'm grumpy a lot of the time, and have been having a hard time feeling like my happy self, even though God's given us the most incredible gift to be happy about! I even cry at watching commercials! Lately these days, I feel really lonely. I really want these mood swings to stop because I'm making myself and everyone around me miserable. My only prayer is that you don't feel any of this baby. I don't want you feel what I've been feeling, although I hear its inevitable. Sometimes, I think you do because you cause little pains here and there when I'm feeling my worst. It's like you're saying "Mom, just relax."

I have been working from home for the past several weeks, and tomorrow I go back to work. I'm okay with this. I think I've been feeling a little too isolated. I miss seeing people around me. Although I don't know what I'm going to do when I get really tired in the afternoon, when I can hardly keep my eyes open! When we get closer to your due date baby (around Christmas / New Years Eve) I'll be with our whole family and that's what matters to me the most baby. You, your daddy, your brother, you aunties, my parents, my sister, daddy's family, all of them. I sometimes wonder if you'll arrive early. You will get to meet some of my closest friends visiting for the holidays! But you just take your time baby, you come when you're good and ready. I'll be waiting here.

Oh I almost forgot to mention! I've started creating a quilt for you with little baby sheep and bright yellow flowers on it. I think you're going to like it. Your nursery is going to be yellow. Daddy and I have been looking at cribs, changing tables and rocking chairs for your room. I want it to be perfect for when you arrive. I want you to fit right in, even though I'm sure you'll be sleeping with us for a while. :)

I love you baby, and even though I've been feeling really crummy this week, you're worth every effort and more.

Love,
Your mommy