Trying to Conceive - Month 10

Yes, we've been at it for a long time. Baby, if it's years past, and you're reading this. KNOW that we've been wanting you for a long time. God, I feel nuts, talking to this unborn soul as if they exist. Then again...who knows. Those are the thoughts that course through my silly head on a monthly basis. Here's a recap of what's been going on for the better part of this year (2009)

1. I've stopped drinking caffeine
2. I've gained a lot of weight~12lbs+...coming off the pill and in TTC(*gasp*)
3. I'm working out more consistently than I have in years
4. I'm a pro at ovulation testing.
5. I no longer cry when I get a Big Fat Negative on my hpt's
6. I turned 34 this year.

This month is going to be different. I tell myself that every month. Every two weeks I refrain from drinking alcohol, artificial sweetners (which I don't normally do) and avoid painting my nails, and using bleach. I know I am totally OCD about this. But *if* I could possibly be pregnant, why would I risk doing something that *might* hurt the little bean?

I dream of babies often, sometimes girls - actually girls A LOT, and sometimes boys. Last night I dreamnt of a baby boy with strawberry blond hair and the cutest little face. Twinkling eyes and such a sweet smile. A few months ago, I actually decided to have a chat with God. I had to tell him that I was ready. "What was the hold up?" That next night, I actually dreamnt about a little girl, really peeved with me, because "she" wasn't ready. I don't know. I could be losing my marbles here, do I really want this baby that badly, that I'm envisioning actual conversations with my unborn chilren?

Anyway...Here's the latest symptoms this month. It's been about 10dop. (days past ovulation) and I've got some crazy symptoms, that could be screaming PMS, but I'm not sure so I'm writing them down anyway.

1. Extremely sore BB's
2. Crazy short fuse
3. The appetite of a small elephant
4. Lack of the ability to taste chocolate - this could be a good thing
5. Wrestless sleep
6. Headache - this could be a result of trying to nullify #4

The most evident sign has been the sore BB's. I normally get sore before AF (aunt flo) but I don't recall if its ever this soon. Usually it's like a few days before right? I tested at 8dpo, and I got a BFN (big fat negative) so I assumed, either I wasn't preggers or it was too soon. Time will tell I suppose. In the meantime I'll just lurk around my home away from home these days http://www.babytalkzone.com/forums/index.php until I am far enough into my cycle that I can test.